i have never been so much worried about myself and the things and the people around me all my life. i donno, iam not raelly really happy with what am doing with myself. iam pretty much suer that am not at the right job that i would really love doing and not at the job i really should be, just that i havent figured out, which is the right one for me. so iam just filling in at the job which i really suck at and i hate too :((

one of the major crisis or problem that am going thro is i really donno what am expection outta life and mor importantly myself. just goin thro the duties of the day monotonously, without me enjoying anything i do. thats really bad ! i donno hppw long i will be able to continue in this fashion, a meaningless life of mine.

the other major thing thats actually freaking me out is friends. till now for me it has been like, friends are my life, friends first all the rest next. it was fun to be at friends place all night , six to eight of us doing all sorts of nonsense and have a gala time.eventhough i knew at that time each one of us will have their own path to take and walk. but little did i know that these diffrent paths is gonna be without any intersections with each other.
seriously i have so many , so many good friends but not one friend whom i feel like i can call upon now at 1.00 AM in the morning and talk my heart out em and cry out to em. nope not a single person.

i think part of the blame has to be on me, few people came close to being that one person, only i dint allow them i geuss. rather i chose to move on and fade away. now me being and feeling really lonely see myself in a desparate state, and can see myself going around friends keep on
pegging at their back to go ut with me, and keep arguing with friends who refuse to do so sighting some perviosly commited work, saying that all have changed and no one cared.
i pretty much know that the situation is not gonna get anybetter in the days to come or the near future. just hoping that i wouldnt worsen cos i got a stupid job at hand

have always felt this need of being alone(am sure u would get it had u read my prev blog), but not really the one that am goin thro right now.
hmmm the solution? i think all my situation will become a lot better once i find that one person whom i will be able to share all the nonsense thats doin rounds inside my head...........

all about space i suppose

today my day was like anyother day , got up early had a cricket match , cam bak home ... had some geusts to attend to..all was ok till the evening , i came bak from the temple .. put some nice melodies in my pc and started to read The Rainmaker - Jhon Grishm...suddenly i found myself to be really gloomy and really dull , may be it was cos of the book , wut i was reading wasa very dipressing stage in the book for the hero. dont know if tat affected me , i really dont know .. but i started sulking , asked my mom and sis who sleep in my room usuallyto sleep in the hall today. i dont know why all this , i suddenly felt i needed to be alone and silent . but the thing is , nothing comes to my mind that had made me like this b4 , not my gal dumping me , not a tiff between frnz , . today somehow and cos of something i really cant figure out made me very depressing.. i felt this grief , a sudden one , a deep greif . wonder how much impact this is gonna have on me and wut kinda impact ...may be this is fear abt something which over a period of time has brought this grief...or its a combination of many thigns whihc i myself may not know or is something wrong to a person close to me stayin far away from me [ hope tat isnt the cause].....

but i also feel from time to time every one needs something like this to happen to them...... i feel tat , tonites loneliness is gonna do me a hell lot of good. in my early days i thoguht that being alone is the worst thing and tat , tat bug should never bite me , but over a period of time i realised tat being alone is not tat bad a thing... it helps one to reflect upon a lot of things whihc u would have never given a thought to or never planned to give , donno abt others but it certainly does for me . wut i feel is tat being alone gives u lots of space , not jus llvieing space but lodas of em in ur mind..... when u got loads of space in ur mind , and space in ur mind is wut one needs when someones stressed or feels freaked out , may be am feelin too much freaked out right now and i ceratinaly gonna njoi getting more space bak in my mind

my first poem

Enathu kathai ithu than

Ennai santhithai..
Migavum magizinthai..
Vegamaga ennai purinthai..
Adi kadi ennai parthu sirithai..
En idam pesinal santhoshathil kuthithai
Unai enaku migavum pidika seithai..
Enaku pala parisugal kuduthai..
Ennai neesithai..
Athigam yosithai
Kadalal thavithai
Athai enidam solla thudithai
Un thanthai’ai ninaithai
Un kadalai maraithai
Ennai pirivai enna enni azuthai
Ennai maranthi endru nadithai
En nilayai yosika maranthai
Un kadalai vadhaithai
Athai un manathil puthaithai
Unnai nee’ye ematrinai
Unnai nee’ye ematrinai
Ennai’um setru…………..

my road

my mother was booked a bed in a big hospital but i was very urgent in touching this earth so my mom had to be taken to the nearest hospital down the road. it all started with this, my liking for that road by which i came into this earth.
i learned to walk by holding my fathers finger by that lonely road, i kept on walking all time by the road whenever i had nothing to do. its calmness and a eerieness greeted me to use if frequently.
as i grew up[age 10] me and my friends started using it a playground and still spent much of my time there, by now a it had lost its calmness, lots of life has come into existance in this beautiful road was happy for that but dint know what the future had in store for it.
toady after me becoming 20 i hate the road i was born by, i hate road in which i learned to walk, i hate the road i spent most of my childhood, i hate the road which i once loved dearly not because of the road but because of the people who came here the selfish people the moneyminded people, oh sorry forgot to tell what actually happened. as time passed by this once a calm and cool road was invaded by a number of vultures who were putting up new and new shops of all kind eating up all the sweet space of my dear road. people comming to those shops put up their vahanams[vehicle] on my road, split on my road, litter on my road.
now someone tell me how will i continue to love this once beautiful road, donno who to blame people or me